Dear Lynda,
I stumbled upon your web site when looking for help on Long distance relationships. You’re story really inspired me but I do have a problem. First off I’m only 18. I met my online love in July of 1999. It was love at first /msg
. We met in May of 2000 and it was nothing but fireworks. She stayed a week with me in July and again in October. Now its the start of December and she’s supposed to come stay another week starting December 26th. Here’s my problem. I think she is falling out of love with me because its so hard to go back to IRC after we’ve been together in real life. She needs me there and I can’t be there because of my age and situation. I really don’t want to lose her. I’m afraid I’d spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been. Please give me any advice to help sooth the wait for her. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Needs Help
Dear Needs Help,
Internet Romances can flourish for years given enough encouragement. There are many more ways than IRC to keep a romance alive.
You may like to try different forms of communication. Keep changing our form of communication to keep the romance going. Forms such as telephone, internet telephony, snail-mail letters, cards and brochures will all help to add some excitement into the relationship. It will take a bit of effort on your behalf, but a bit of variety, intrigue and surprise should help put the sparkle back into her eyes.
Lynda
Disclaimer:
The advice column on this site is NOT meant to replace seeking professional therapeutic assistance. It is hoped that the responses given will be helpful, but this site exists to entertain our visitors and this advice column is NOT professional counselling. In all instances, seek the advice of a professional who you trust and do not rely on the suggestions of this site in your life decision-making.
I met this guy on the internet about two months ago in a singles chat room. We clicked automatically with our wit and humour. We agreed that night to talk again the next night. He said he was single. I’m 30 and he was 26. Each night we talked we became closer and closer. Sharing our feelings, hopes and dreams, and even talking about a future together. He managed to look up my address and phone number somehow and had my email address. But he wouldn’t give that info about himself to me because he said he couldn’t over the net because of his job. (he’s a cop). I told him my biggest fear was that I’d never hear from him again and I wouldn’t be able to reach him. He said he would never just leave without word and that he wasn’t that “shallow”. Well the last night we spoke everything was so perfect. He sent me love songs and poems and really opened up to me about a future. Well that was the last night I heard from him. His comp did quit 4 times on us that night but it!’s been a month now and I still haven’t heard anything. He had my number and address so he could have called. I’m just so confused as to what happened to him all of a sudden. There and so perfect one night, gone without a trace the next. I have no way of getting a hold of him so I don’t know what to do. Just wondering what could have happened to him. Any ideas? I would appreciate any input at this point. Thanks so much.
Very confused
Dear Very Confused,
There’s lots of reasons why you never heard from him again. I could rattle off tons of possibilities, all of which have probably already gone through your mind already.
The odds are that this guy was a fraud and most doubtful that he was a cop. There a lot of women that have fallen for this trick, usually in an attempt to obtain cybersex and a few cheap thrills. Usually married, unemployed, and bored, these guys are preying on some really nice women.
The fact that he didn’t want your phone number, should have been your first sign that he was a fraud. He didn’t want you to invade his personal space, and only wanted what he could get out of you on the computer.
Signal number two should have been the way in which he romanced you. Often married men are overly flirtatious and seem too good to be true.
Sounds like you got off light!
Lynda
Disclaimer:
The advice column on this site is NOT meant to replace seeking professional therapeutic assistance. It is hoped that the responses given will be helpful, but this site exists to entertain our visitors and this advice column is NOT professional counselling. In all instances, seek the advice of a professional who you trust and do not rely on the suggestions of this site in your life decision-making.
How often should I expect my internet lover to write to me or to keep in contact? I seem to be writing to him an awful lot, but some days I hear nothing from him. I have fallen madly in love with him and I fear that he will disappear on me for some reason. Please advise me as to how I can get over this fear and exactly what I should expect from an internet lover. He will be coming to the states soon and I don’t want to have a broken heart.
Desperate Expectations
Dear Desperate Expectations,
If the odd day is passing here and there without hearing from him don’t despair. He may have a job with heavy demands on his time. Find the reasons behind his sometimes delayed contact and there you will find your peace of mind.
If his reasons are nothing more than pathetic excuses, you may want to have a good think about his dedication to this relationship. The way that he is treating you now is a good indication of what you can expect in the future, so be sure to keep both eyes open.
You will get over your fear when you know that he has legitimate reasons for these delays, and you know that your fear isn’t instinct about some dubious behaviour.
There is no expected behaviour for an internet romance. You will do well in love if you receive honest and wholehearted responses.
Lynda
Disclaimer:
The advice column on this site is NOT meant to replace seeking professional therapeutic assistance. It is hoped that the responses given will be helpful, but this site exists to entertain our visitors and this advice column is NOT professional counselling. In all instances, seek the advice of a professional who you trust and do not rely on the suggestions of this site in your life decision-making.
I have had an online relationship for almost a year. We have talked almost everyday online and I have grown to love her. I have called her and we have sent each other mail and I feel like I know her very well. In fact I am so in love with her I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
It has been a difficult relationship at times. She seems to always pull away from me. It is hard to get her to trust me and I know she is afraid of loving me for fear that I will hurt her. I don’t know how to get her to have as much faith in our relationship and our love as I do. I don’t know how to let her understand that I love her and will never hurt her because I would hurt just as much. I don’t know what to do, How can I be so sure of this and she be so doubtful? I need advice…
In Love
Dear In Love,
Trust is something that needs to be earned. The way to develop trust is to be trustworthy. In other words, be worthy of her trust. Be there when she is down, be strong when she is weak, and never say things like ‘Is it over with us?’ You need to show her time and time again that you can be her ‘rock’, and you won’t be moved by the first windstorm that comes your way.
In time, you will have earned genuine trust which is worth more than gold. Once you have the trust of a woman like this you will have quite a treasure indeed.
Lynda
Disclaimer:
The advice column on this site is NOT meant to replace seeking professional therapeutic assistance. It is hoped that the responses given will be helpful, but this site exists to entertain our visitors and this advice column is NOT professional counselling. In all instances, seek the advice of a professional who you trust and do not rely on the suggestions of this site in your life decision-making.
