online love

Why is he acting so distant?

Dear Lynda,

I have been dating a boy I met off the internet for about 5 weeks now. He is one of the sweetest guys in the world and things were going wonderful until about 2 weeks ago. At first it was like a dream. I spent the weekends with him. Having fun, going out, and just being glad to be with him. He lives 2 hours away so the weekends are the only time I get to be with him

During the week when we are apart we would keep in contact through emails, AOL, and phone calls. We used to talk in someway or another once a day just to let each other know how our days were and how things were going.

Well… things started to change a little bit a few weeks back when he said he liked spending time with me.. but he was afraid we were spending to much time because he was getting emotionally attached to me. We have both been hurt in our previous relationships and I think we both feared attachment.

Well after that we seemed to get closer in a way although our fears of getting hurt. We have a lot in common and we never get sick of each other or fight. These past two weeks after I leave we don’t talk as much during the week. True enough he does send me and email or talk.. but not as often as he used to.

Well this week was the icing on the cake. I hadn’t talked to him for 4 days and finally get an email saying he has been real busy working (he is a web designer) and that he got real caught up in the project.. he wasn’t mad.. etc.. and went on to ask how things were with me. He mentioned meeting him at a club tonight cause he wasn’t sure it would be okay for me to come stay the weekend. He still lives with family and they haven’t been getting along.

Today.. I call him twice to see what the plans are.. no return phone call.. no emails.. nothing. At first when I hadn’t talked to him.. I was upset, worried he didn’t like me anymore, just running everything through my head.. did he get hurt, etc. Now I’m just angry and hurt. I know he still cares about me, I trust that much. Otherwise.. he wouldn’t have sent me an email at all apologizing or asking how things were with me. He would have just forgotten about me and left me hanging.

So my question is.. why would he act so distant even after I just saw him 5 days ago and things were great. No fights, being affectionate, etc. Could he be afraid he is getting in to deep? Playing hard to get? Needing space??? I don’t want to lose this guy, because we click really well. I am just really confused. PLEASE HELP Lynda!!!!

REALLY confused


Dear REALLY confused,

My gut feeling from what you have written is that there is possibly nothing wrong. He is just slipping into a zone of comfort with you. This is something experienced in many relationships and occurs when the relationship is travelling along just fine and he is now finding himself able to focus his attention on other issues in his life. Something might be taking all his attention at the present moment.

Unless you genuinely feel that there is something wrong, I suggest that you relax and get accustomed to the unreliable nature of boyfriends. Give him a kick up the rear and tell him that you are feeling left out and he’ll either explain how busy he’s been or come out with his problem.

Lynda

Disclaimer:
The advice column on this site is NOT meant to replace seeking professional therapeutic assistance. It is hoped that the responses given will be helpful, but this site exists to entertain our visitors and this advice column is NOT professional counselling. In all instances, seek the advice of a professional who you trust and do not rely on the suggestions of this site in your life decision-making.

How can we reopen the lines of communication?

Dear Lynda,

I met this girl last year. At first the relationship was going well and then she had some problems she had to take care of, well ever since this “time” in her life we have lost or not had as much communication as we did when we met. We both love each other and believe in the same things. How can we reopen the lines of communication? Do you have any advice, right now we mainly communicate through email.

Amazed


Dear Amazed,

Think about what sort of marriage a couple would have if the only ever related to each other during breakfast at the breakfast table. It takes many different and subtle ways to keep the home fires burning.

Here are a few tips for improving your communication…

  • Even a boring email can be made to be quite special. You can add background pictures to your emails. What about pictures of yourself as the background picture? Get someone to scan a ton of pictures of yourself for you and send a new one every time. She’ll be very eager to see the next picture. You can also add sounds to most emails. How about you record some short but loving phrases? A few loving words from you each day in your own voice will communicate your feelings to her in a new and fresh way.
  • There are more ways to communicate on the internet than by email. Why aren’t you both talking in real time with msn? Msn is a free program that you download that will not only tell you whenever she goes on- line but allows you both to type-talk to each other at the same time and send each other files (photos, songs, etc.). I can’t stress enough the importance of this program for internet romance couples.
  • Sometimes it’s nice to communicate without having to switch on the computer. This means telephone calls (expensive but necessary) and handwritten letters. They take a bit more effort or cash but are necessary to assist in bringing a sense of realism to the relationship.

    • Well, Amazed, these are just three ways you can communicate with your Lady. Not boring old porridge of emails every day but a feast of communication that is sure to satisfy any woman.

    Lynda

    Disclaimer:
    The advice column on this site is NOT meant to replace seeking professional therapeutic assistance. It is hoped that the responses given will be helpful, but this site exists to entertain our visitors and this advice column is NOT professional counselling. In all instances, seek the advice of a professional who you trust and do not rely on the suggestions of this site in your life decision-making.