Surviving the Wait

Love that blooms on the internet seems to develop at a much faster rate than ‘real-life’ romances. This is because the rate of development of a romance is proportional to the amount of communication between the partners. As we both know, in regards to internet romance couples, communication is all they do! It is easy to understand then, why the wait until the first meeting or subsequent meeting is proportionally more difficult for these couples.

Of late, it has been brought to my attention that couples could do with some survival tips.

I suggest you print this page out, so you can tick off the tips as you go. There’s a lot of important information crammed onto this page. It can be so easy to read something like this and you think ‘Oh, that’s a good idea’, but you never really get around to doing it. I can’t be your conscience and motivate you once you’ve moved on to another web-page, but if you print this out, I can stay with you until you’re really giving this relationship all you’ve got.

An internet romance relationship is without a doubt the most difficult relationship to maintain. In real-life you are spending time with your partner by just being present. Internet romances take an awful lot of effort and commitment. The relationship also requires extra attention to matters that you previously have never had to consider doing. A total re-think on what your partner needs is required. You need to do all you can to substitute the lack of your physical presence in your partners life. This isn’t an easy thing to do, and I’m going to try to take the hardest part out of it, by giving you tips and advice to not just survive the wait, but thrive the wait. This internet romance that you are undertaking is quite a remarkable thing, and if you put the effort in, you will look back at the time that you wooed your love over the internet with much excitement and pride.

First off the bat, your visual presence has got to be the most felt loss in an internet romance. Lots and lots of photos should be exchanging hands/computers before you meet. I mean lots…. Not just one or two…. You need to see people in lots of different positions, lights, and situations to gain a half-decent idea of their manner of appearance. One or two photos just won’t do it. So, here is the first tip for surviving the wait…

Take lots and lots of photos of yourself. Recent ones, old ones, funny ones, stupid ones… Get them scanned and sent by email, or photocopied and sent my snail-mail. Lots and lots. If your friend owns a video camera… steal it off him and take video of your home, your car, your family, your dog, your self…. (keep an eye on different video formats for different countries)

When you’ve got all these pictures of your partner, the wait will be a lot easier if you can make the relationship invade its way into more than your computer. A great way to do this is to print out the best of all these pictures that your partner has sent you and display them around your house. Do you have a picture of your partner beside your bed? On your desk? In your living room for all your friends/children/family to see? In your wallet? Well, this gives us tip no. 2…

Get those photos off the computer and into your every day environment. Print them out, buy some cheap frames and display your partner in your life. It sounds trivial, but it will really help you feel that you aren’t so alone and remarkably also brings more reality to the relationship because other people suddenly see that you are taken.

If you’ve done both tips above, you’ll be surprised just how much it will help the wait. That will take care of your first sense…. sight… Now for the next sense… touch..

Go to the post office today and buy an A4 envelope. Start putting little things from your life into it. Some examples are… Local newspaper… Handwritten letters… Cards… Lock of hair… Photos… Favourite music… Favourite book… Favourite recipes… Postcards of the local area… When you’ve got a nice healthy bundle ready, ship it off to your love.

I’m guessing that you should be able to see the direction that I’m heading in. To keep love alive takes more than just communication. Communication is the key, but ALL the senses need to be stimulated in order to really make the most of this online romance. Since you aren’t there in person to do the stimulating, you need to use your creativity to keep all his/her senses operating. We’ve talked about sight and touch, and you can probably guess the next one will be…. sound.

Regular phone calls are a necessity. Whether you do this using a telephone line or opt for the cheaper method of talking over the net, you need to hear each others voice regularly.

Record short messages to your partner that are supporting, uplifting and motivating and send them regularly by email. That way, when you aren’t around they can play them over and over again to give them a quick pick up. It’ll amaze you how much better you can feel after playing a 20 second message 20 or 30 times!

If your partner has an answering machine. Phone it when you know they aren’t home and tell them from the bottom of your heart what a special person they are and how you love them. They’ll be sure to save the message, and can then replay it any time they want to.

So, you can see now that even though you don’t think your voice is the most amazing thing, that your partner needs access to it at all times.

Smell is another sense that internet romance couples completely forget about. Totally under-rated. If you want to really love and court your partner, smell should be high on your priority list.

Go out and buy a hankie for your partner today. Even better, send one of yours… a clean one… Then take your most favourite perfume/aftershave and spray the hankie liberally with it. Spray it with the one that you wear most often. The one that you will be wearing when you meet. Put the hankie in a plastic bag to seal in the smell and post it off.

I’m telling you now, that when that person is standing beside you and they smell your perfume/aftershave they will be so familiar with the smell and it will be so related to their love for you, that sparks will fly! Imagine, until now, you’ve been missing out on making such a dramatic sensual impact on your partner.

Our last sense for our internet romance love feast is the main course. Taste, of course. I don’t think you want to associate food with love or you’ll be the size of a house before you know it. Taste can involve more than a good feed.

Ship off a bottle of your favourite wine to your partner. Be careful of customs. For special anniversaries of your relationship, you can both sit down and share a drink together. Have your favourite wines together.

Talk with your partner about the foods that you like to eat. Even plan meals that you can eat together. What breakfast do you like to eat? Pasta? Chicken? Meat? Well Done? This is why you would of sent some recipes to your partner in that A4 package that you sent to them. How wonderful that when he/she arrives, that you can have his/her favourite meal made. What an impact!

So, we’ve taken care of the five senses. That’s just the beginning… the fundamentals… These are the building blocks that will give your relationship a solid basis on which to work. Often, internet romance couples don’t give the relationship this effort, and then wonder why the love faded. It takes work and effort, but in return gives a love and excitement that will only deepen with every day and every new effort.

In closing the general tips section, I want to add the most important tip of all:

Time. For this relationship to work, you MUST give your time. It is the single biggest investment that you must make. Time is money, and we all have so little of both. Your relationship is not going to stand the test of time if you don’t invest your time into it. The courtship page gives many suggestions for ways in which you can spend quality time with your partner on the internet. Try out different things. You wouldn’t keep taking your date to the same place every time would you? Don’t get stagnant, or your relationship will reflect this.

We’ve made things as easy as possible on ourselves now while we are waiting for that special day. Ah, but we are still waiting aren’t we, and that is without doubt a very difficult thing to do. Let’s look at some strategies to make things easier.

Sit down and write a list of all the things that you want to achieve before you meet. You’ll be likely to shock yourself when you realise just how much you want to achieve in such a short time. I even made up a list of all the things that I wanted to have done each day such as clean out kitchen cupboards, mend rip in favourite dress, go to beach and get tan. I tell you, the last few days I was so far behind that I stayed up nearly all night getting things done. It really helped the time to pass for me. I’m sure the things that you would want to have done would be different to mine, but having that goal to work towards makes the world of difference.

Countdown the days until you meet.

Tell the world your story through this website. We have many couples that have shared their real-life stories with us and it helps so much to encourage other couples through their difficult times. You may possibly even been eager enough to tell your story to the world on television. We often have producers looking for people.

See if you can learn something new together. 66 days to wait – learn to recite the name of a new book of the bible each day until you can say all 66 in one go. 100 days to wait – learn to count to 100 in French. There is awful lot that you can learn while you are waiting. What have you always wanted to learn, but always have trouble remembering? Wanted to know the periodical table? Wanted to recite pi to 50 places? Here’s your opportunity to do it together.. Instead of day 5 of a 50 day wait it would be 3.14285…

Start a list of all the reasons why you love your partner and add one new reason to the list every day, so that at the end of the days you have a list of however many reasons…He/she will love getting the amended list every day and it will really help you to search your heart for 30 honest and deep-felt reasons why you love him/her. Maybe your partner could do the same thing too. It’s fun things like this that will get you through those days…

Start work on your immigration details. Research the immigration department for the latest requirements. Collect material for your case. Print out emails. Keep all cards. Learn now just what you need to do if you are going to be together.

Believe me, truly learning to communicate and understand each other is the hardest and most important thing that you will ever do for your relationship. You have a very unique opportunity to develop skills that other couples often spend a lifetime trying to acquire. Life moves faster on the internet. I think you can do a whole month of communicating in just one day on the internet. Take time now to talk about all the things that you think that you can put off until later. Family, death, life, children, money…. Change your perspective of this time apart. See it for the time of opportunity that it is …..

Tips from Mayme

We slept on our pillowcases for a few nights and then mailed them to each other without washing. It was so comforting to rest our head where the other’s head had rested and still be able to smell thier scent. I also had him send me one of his unwashed t-shirts (not overly dirty) so that I could sleep in it and feel close to him. (that one was my mother’s idea)

Journaling- when we were counting down to the wedding day I began a journal. Each day I wrote a brief love note and a little about my day in the journal. On our wedding day I gave the journal to my husband as a gift. I had ended each page by signing it—your future wife. Then on our wedding day I made the last entry and signed it—-All My Love On Our Wedding Day, Your Wife! My husband sits and reads it whenever he wants.

Tip from George

Another great idea that I had ( ooh, I don’t say this very often is that I took all the pictures that we made this summer ( about 300 of them ), rescaled them and made this huuge poster with all of them. It also has a red heart in the middle with my name and hers in it. Got it delivered to her house along with 101 roses on her birthday. Maybe you can add this as a suggestion to the site!

Have you got a tip for me that I can put on this page to help others? Leave a comment below if you have something to contribute and I will add it to this page.